This blurb will introduce a few stories coming up here.  I have been avoiding my BOHU (Beyond Our Human Understanding) stories because I fear that some of you will just think I am totally insane.  However, I am tired of holding them in and will just tell them now, one after another, until they are done.  Others will pop up later I’m sure, but these are the ones I have told orally over and over, as if I can’t believe they are true.  But they are.  Call them coincidences – but what is a coincidence other than a co+incident.  Things happening simultaneously in time.  What strikes me is the the spiritual nature of these experiences.  It’s not a coincidence like meeting someone at a store at the same time to buy lettuce or something.  So think what you like.  Glean meaning or no meaning as you wish.  I personally don’t know what to think about any of it, really.  Here we go…

It was reading Eat Pray Love that made me decide I needed to be brave and tell these experiences.  Liz Gilbert is quite open about talking to herself/God/Mystery/whatever and getting answers, solid answers.  Skeptics just think we’re mentally ill, I suppose, but those of us who listen, really listen, know that’s just not true. 

One night during what I guess I should just dub now as My Difficult Years, Al was asleep next to me and I was quietly sobbing next to him, my face turned towards the wall.  I was sobbing so hard I was not shaking or moving, my body in one big wooden position, my face squeezed shut as I cried.  I was angry, tired of being unhappy, tired of crying, tired of feeling like a shithead because I was so blessed with a patient and loving husband and three smart healthy children and couldn’t seem to appreciate it, but always wanted to be somewhere else, doing something else.   I angrily mouthed these words:

“EVERBODY TALKS ABOUT GUARDIAN ANGELS.  WELL WHERE THE FUCK IS MINE?“

Skeptics, you may leave the room, or read on if you dare.  Instantly my body relaxed, my face opened up, my tears stopped, and if I had a recording tape I would swear you would have heard the answer as a deep and palpable calm swept over me like a soft downy comforter: “I’m right here…”  The voice might as well have added “silly one” to that line because that was the tone of voice.  I did feel totally silly, and embarrassed that I had so little faith for so long.

Things definitely improved after that, no question.  I love remembering that experience because the sense of calm was so very much like I describe it – like I was being covered by love, from toes up to my head, like being tucked in by my guardian angel’s love…