I heard an ad on the radio this morning, a guy saying his dog loves Such and Such Dog Food.  He’s tried expensive dog food, cheap dog food, organic dog food, and his dog hasn’t like any of those as much as Such and Such Dog Food.  I do not understand this at all.Ed will eat anything, and George before him.  Here is a list of things George would eat.

Anything on the kitchen counter, including but not limited to:

• breaded scallops, specifically: breaded scallops that Al had taken great pains to prepare – dipping into the flour, dipping into the egg, dipping into the bread crumbs, rinsing his fingers in between each scallop so that they wouldn’t get lumpy, letting them rest on a rack to “set” while he went to check the ball scores…oops, all gone; never ever seen Al so mad. Al doesn’t really get mad.  He threw a folding chair a la Bobby Knight that day.
• a cake made to look like a big Leggo for Jeff’s third birthday, oh it was scrumptious looking I know – made in a bread pan, topped with two cupcake “Leggo pegs,”  frosted with red buttercream, resting on the counter while I went up to grab some real Leggos…oops, again
• frozen Easter ham defrosting in the sink, we cut off the “bad” part and cooked it anyway
• 5 pounds of raw beef ribs
• basket full of Easter candy; no he didn’t die, but he was damn sick all over the bedroom floor

Things we know he ate from our doody duty in the backyard:

• several times it appeared he ate rags
• several times it appeared he ate ropes
• multicolored crayons
• don’t mean to gross you out but sometimes dogs eat their own doody – there are pills for it that stop it – friggin’ dogs; that’s why I don’t like dogs to lick my face…

Other stuff:

• the bread we got from Acoma pueblo – homemade, sitting on the floor of the front seat while we went to the bathroom.  oops.
• I’m sure the guys will remember more stuff when they read this.

On to Ed The Dog:

He will eat anything on the kitchen floor – he does not get on the counters – hey, we are human, we learn.  I don’t have to worry about anything I drop on the floor while I’m cooking – garlic, popcorn, onions, tomatoes, avocados, meat of any kind.  He’s a Kleenex eater – just yesterday we put him in our bedroom because the cable guy was here, when I went to let him out he  was walking around with a piece of tissue from the trash can hanging out of his mouth, oblivious to the fact that he a)had been busted and b) looked ridiculous.  He’s getting old, he doesn’t even slink around anymore like he’s done something wrong, just waggles his tail and smiles with the Kleenex hanging out of his mouth.  He also eats grass like a cow when he’s outdoors.

As far as dog food – are you serious?  Both of them would eat anything you put in their dish.  They get good old fashioned Purina Dog Chow or Kirkland or Whatever Is On Sale at Petco.  Ed will also eat cat food if given half a chance.

I dunno about that guy on the radio, honestly.