So a couple of years ago my voice teacher told me if I wanted to sing, I needed to get out there and sing. Of course, for me, the logical place to sing is to my beloved seniors.  It was always difficult for me when the karaoke guy would come to the SNFs I worked at because I’d want to sneak out of the clinic and belt out a tune.

With Mom moving to California I had a perfect place to set up shop.  I was still reluctant, until my voice teacher (that would be you, Perry!) told me if I didn’t approach the activities director by my next lesson I would owe him five bucks.  Well, that’s a venti mocha frappucino light at Starbucks, so…

Then we had to get busy.  My first show was jazz standards, and I was nervous as hell.  Making a fool of myself in public is not my favorite activity.  (All you old friends, zip it…)  I managed to get through it with a few accolades and the next time in November, I was less nervous.

I took a break in December and January since every Girl Scout troop in Anytown, USA makes it a point to sing Christmas carols at senior residences.  I had promised a few people that next time I would sing some show tunes.  24 hours before show time I started to panic.  Some of the songs I had chosen and worked on were just not feeling authentic.  “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story is an example.  Somehow I’m just not feelin’ the 18 year old girl in love thing.

Fortunately, most musicals have wise older women who sing rueful tunes of lost loves, songs of how to live life, songs about what’s important.  With just about 18 hours to spare I threw out the young girl songs and songs that are still contenders but were causing me angst, and pulled out some old favorites that I knew I could sing…authenticity goes a long way in covering technical errors.   I pulled out “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her (in this case, His) Face” from My Fair Lady, “Something Wonderful” from The King and I, “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” from Phantom (church voice friendly) and a few others.

I got all purtied up – I clean up well and need the “stage makeup” to get my confidence up. I was still a bit nervous singing the new program, but then it was over and…well, nobody really wants to move when you’re done singing at a senior residence for whatever reason.  Sure, some people doze off, but I like that.  It means I have made someone feel peaceful.  It means that my screeching didn’t jar anyone awake or cause the paramedics to make a visit. At any rate, they weren’t ready for me to stop.  I was fresh out of the new songs I had prepared, and had to go back into the past shows on my iPad.

And then magic happened.  Something clicked this time.  The songs that had made me so nervous back in October just floated out of my mouth, my heart.  I messed up some lyrics…but it didn’t matter.  I improvised.  It sounded nice.  The notes in my middle range that struck terror into my heart during my first show obeyed my breath and my intent.  I felt comfortable.  Warm and fuzzy.  Authentic.

The new songs I sang also had moments of terror re: that middle range, but now I know something – after I’ve sung them a few times it’ll be okay.  Perry always says (and it’s printed out in 72 font on the front of my music binder) “Never let the notes get in the way.”

   I get it now.