Note: This was my tribute to the 2016 election….

It is your only daughter’s wedding and you have to make some guest list decisions.  You want it to be the lovely, peaceful, joyful event you and she have always dreamed of. But oh those troublesome relatives.

You have one relative who is kind of sleazy: she borrowed money once from your father and didn’t pay it back, she gossiped about private family business and then denied it, and some have not forgiven her for that. She struggles when it comes to doing what is best for herself versus what is best for others.  All in all though she is gracious and does not cause scenes at family events.  Even the relatives who have not forgiven her find it easy to be pleasant if they are seated together and even a couple of times she has smoothed over disagreements in the family.  They don’t want a relationship with her but they don’t hate her. Everyone in the family has flaws of course, and at least she is a kind person and is, in fact, a bright and interesting table companion. You know you’d just as soon not invite her, but she is your sister-in-law and at least she won’t cause a scene on your daughter’s special day.

The other relative, your brother-in-law is known for causing a scene at every family gathering. The family never knows when he is going to start bellowing.  One time he marched right past your nephew in a wheelchair and used the handicapped bathroom stall ahead of him saying the young man shouldn’t have any “extra” rights.  Another time he called your niece a “fat pig” even though he knew she was pregnant and had been ordered to curb her activity for medical reasons, saying “that’s no excuse.”   No one wants to have their children near him because he spews hatred at the drop of a hat.  One time he loudly proclaimed that the husband of your cousin shouldn’t be allowed in the Catholic ceremony because he is a Sikh and wears a turban.  However, he’s really rich and gives fabulous presents at weddings so people tend to invite him despite his bad behavior, and he is your sister’s husband.

Some family members have told you they won’t attend if one or the other is invited.  You can’t really help that.  You and your daughter wonder, though.  Your daughter loves children and intends to invite them to the wedding as well.  She worries that her uncle will make fun of your 8 year old nephew with cerebral palsy who loves to dance at weddings.  She worries that he will be rude to your husband’s African American relatives on his mothers side.  You worry that he will simply ruin the wedding in ways you can’t even predict due to his lack of civility.

This is your daughter’s wedding. There are many weddings in a family  and yes they all survive when the blowhard is invited.

So you have to decide.    Do you want to  risk the legacy of your daughter’s wedding? Do you want it to be party that resulted in your family not being invited back to the venue?   Do you want your daughter’s married life to begin with an entire side of her new family left embarrassed and stunned by his racist proclamations?  That a little boy on the dance floor was shamed by a grown man and will forever avoid dancing in public?

Well sure, why not.  He can be funny sometimes and he isn’t afraid to say whatever he wants which is somewhat refreshing and gives really expensive presents.

Yes, he’s part of the family, and your sister will be mad if he’s not invited and won’t come herself.  So what’s the harm?

What would you tell your daughter?