After my somewhat discouraging experience on my first ocean dive, I called the person I was to be diving with in Cozumel a few weeks later.  It was Cozumel where I first heard the call of the deep, and we had been invited to join friends down there spur-of-the-moment.  They had extra time-share credits. We hesitated and then remembered “oh! We’re retired.” So we agreed and I immediately started researching a reputable guide.

Although I didn’t finish my open water certification on Catalina, I did get my Scuba Diver, which meant I could go down to 40ft with a dive master.  I called Steve at Liquid Blue Divers in Cozumel whom I’d already spoken with (“You’re learning to dive at 64? You’re my hero!”) and explained my tale of woe – what happened at Catalina, my fear, my angst, my lack of self confidence due to my age.   He assured me he would be my dive master and buddy and – this is most important – would not let me die.

The day he picked me up in the little boat that included four other divers, lovely people, he asked how I was and I said “nervous as hell.”  Well, he eased my mind and I had a wonderful two dives.  He commented on how well trained I was, as I knew things that many new divers don’t know, at least they didn’t have it drilled into them by Ashley.  I left encouraged. :

Back to California and a boat dive on December 29.  Ashley was in Utah (She  teaches ski/snowboard for two months and dives in hot springs. The woman never stops.), so I was with Jake her partner with the expectation I would do two dives and finish my open water.  I got seasick (never happens to me) and it was largely the surge below the surface that got me.  Also learning using my drysuit (it has air in it), the air got caught in my feet and I got tired and it ended up Jake flying me like a kite.  After getting back on the boat my day was over except for puking more.

Again, I spent most of the next day resting and reconsidering, but even in the video of me floating upside down, I can show you the exact point where I stopped trying to do a reverse crunch and just started to look at the wonderment around me as a garibaldi swam past.  It’s irresistible to me.

Somewhere in those weeks we went to Shaw’s Cove, a popular shore dive site and so easy – you just have to get past the surf zone and then you can drop right down and see cool stuff.  Ashley carried my stuff down the 60 stairs.  Ashley recommended I just try with my snorkel.  Now if you have read my other blogs you know I can go out and dive through 20 waves to relieve stress, so how hard could it be?

Once my fins were on my feet I was screwed.  I could hardly stand up let alone walk into and against the waves.  So that’s out.  More doubt.

Al and I were headed to Cabo Mexico next, and another tropical dive, same conversation with the dive operator, Laura from Cabo Private Guide, and she promised she wouldn’t let me die.  Another wonderful experience.  No drysuit, light wetsuit, beautiful fishies. I left encouraged. The link is worth opening:

Next attempt at open water cert was on a different boat with Ashley.  I decided to ditch the drysuit and just dive in a wetsuit.  Wetsuits in California are heavy and thick.  My two dives turned into one as between the Dramamine and the rigors of donning the suit, I had nothing left for a second dive.  It should be noted that I also had another instance of “I can’t do this” as I swam to the anchor line before going down.  Ashley, the sneak, is very good at saying “that’s fine, we don’t have to do this” which of course makes me get my shit together and do it anyway.  Funny thing happens under the water.  I never want to leave.  Ashley mentioned to me that I’m always nervous on land and before I go down but once descended I am in my element.  And I am.  Finished demonstrating a few more skills but couldn’t get down for the second dive so oh well.

Finally, off to Catalina once again.  I DID finish my certification this time, finally showing that I could use a compass underwater (Want to do more practice on that.  Don’t want to get lost and die.) Also showing that I could do an emergency ascent and not have my lungs blow up and die.  However before getting down under I got terribly overheated getting my wetsuit on and had to float on my back  for 15 minutes while I got my emotional shit together once again and convince myself I could do this and it was worth it.  Funny thing, though.  At one point I put my regulator in my mouth and  rolled onto my belly and instantly looked up at Ashley and said “We gotta get down there!”  I know where my solace lies.  It was amazing and I saw three giant sea bass and you can look that image up.  I thought Ashley was pointing at a WALL until she repeatedly gave me the “fish” sign and then I saw that the wall was a sea bass doing what sea bass do a lot of – hovering and looking at you.

Finally, last Friday, the surf was very low at Shaw’s Cove so I summoned Ashley to be my dive master/buddy and I wanted to try again.  All was going well, I carried my gear most of the way down the stairs and walked to the water without the headache. My cervical stabilization exercises were working!  We waded resolutely into the water, Ashley never taking her hands off me.  We floated over the waves.  And then, there it was.  A big set of waves.  I took one but the next one was timed terribly and smashed into me, throwing me backwards.  I’m not afraid of drowning, I wasn’t scared, and Ashley had me, but it was abundantly clear this was still too much for me.  And then the worst happened: I got the headache.  If you are a migraine headache person, which I have been on occasion, it is THAT headache.  It takes no prisoners.  I immediately told Ashley and unfortunately started to panic a bit too.  Ashley won’t let me die, I know this and her strength (she can carry her gear AND my gear, thank you US Army) and level headedness was never in question, but it was – difficult.  Ashley took my gear off (can you believe it? Holding on to me and ocean waves waving…) to at least try to relieve my headache but I actually think it was due to the wave that jacked me around. I couldn’t slow my breathing down.  I just had to keep listening to her instructions, which I did. She told me to look at her and let me tell you, if you are in a dangerous situation there’s no one else you want.  I will never forget her eyes and it gave me all the courage I needed.    I wasn’t in full panic but I sure as hell wanted to get to shore.  Which we did.  As fate would have it the OCFD was arriving to do rescue drills so I got to have a handsome fire fighter help me stand up and walk to the stairs.  Five more minutes and I was fine, breathing normally, no headache.  Again I would like to reiterate, at  NO POINT did I feel like Ash wasn’t in control of the situation.  I was not in control, but that’s one thing rescue divers learn in their course is how to deal with panic.  I was at least on the surface!

And now (drum roll please)…

THE DECISION.   I finally have to cry uncle and say I cannot dive in California.  I remember my Dad used to joke “I don’t know why they call it the Pacific.  It’s anything but….”  I will have to reserve my diving for the tropics or lakes or maybe one of those hot springs in Utah.  It makes me a little sad but at the same time relieved that I’m through trying to prove to my ego that I can do something I cannot. Ashley has said several times “I love working with you because you are as stubborn as I am.” (I would like to point out that 900 dives and 6 years ago Ashley did her first Discover Scuba and overcame a fear of drowning for fish sake.)

We both did the best we could.  I will be joining her and other friends I’ve made when we go to Bonaire in the Caribbean in February for a week, to dive in warm, calm waters.  I plan to do a lot more diving before I hang up my BCD for good, but for now it’s back to diving THROUGH Pacific waves on the shore  in my swimsuit and taking boat trips out to see the whales and love my Pacific Ocean from the surface.

Catalina Island…

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