Tonight I sit here after a wonderful but emotional weekend. Four years of retirement and I still wondered what I could do with my 40 years of PT books, most of which are not that old, some which ARE that old but there is some “hip bone connected to the knee bone” type information that doesn’t change, and most are chock full of useful information.

The subject matter still excites me and I am tempted to keep them just for fun, (Pharmacology for Physical Therapists! Differential diagnosis! Cardiopulmonary Physical Therapy! Medical Imaging!) but the truth is I’m quilting now, and practicing piano and traveling. My reading is about WWII spy rings and Antarctic explorers. If I were to break my leg and be laid up for 6 weeks I would not be opening those books, no matter how interesting the topic. I would be sorting photos, probably. (When my Mom would be home sorting photos in her dotage we knew she was not feeling up to par. We joked that some people worried when their mothers didn’t answer the phone. We worried when she did answer the phone and was sorting photos because it meant she was sick and not out running around).

For the umpteenth time (including the time I searched when it was time to discard my brother’s textbooks from his counseling career) I searched “what to do with old textbooks”. You could donate, but where and what a pain in the arse. You could recycle, but you have to take the hardcovers off, including the glue-ey binding. You could throw into the landfill but that doesn’t seem quite eco-conscious and not very respectful to the distinguished authors.

I decided to list them for free on Facebook marketplace and the Nextdoor app. I got responses right away. One was a delightful young man who works as a fitness trainer for the city of Irvine. He was putting together some classes for seniors so I was able to give him some basic books on geriatric mobility and functional exercises. We talked at Starbucks and he was soooo happy and I would be happy to answer questions or guide him any time.

That left the bulk of books that are definitely practicing DPT level. I spoke to a few people who wanted them for their kids who were studying to be PTs – but they were in under grad pre-PT and these would really be beyond them at that stage. I wanted to give them to some one who could make use of them now.

Finally tonight I connected with a young man who is graduating from USC’s DPT program next year. They are all going to him tomorrow and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Except I guess I could.

Why do I have a lump in my throat as I watch the last vestiges of my career go out the door? Why must my brain jump to remembering when I decided to go back to school for PT, the first book I bought was a generic book on rehabilitation, eager to learn as much as I could before I even started? Why must that worn copy of muscle testing that was so crisp and new in 1980 bring such a feeling of true sadness when I hold it in my hand? Why must I wistfully feel the thrill of hundreds of patients whom I helped regain function with the balance exercise progression I developed? Why did I never do the study I wanted to do prove the effectiveness of that particular progression? Why must I remember the thrill of finding my passion and how I couldn’t stuff the information into my noggin fast enough? Why must it all be over already? Where did the time go?

You know, all the usual old person bullshit.

Tomorrow I’ll be fine. I already felt better vomiting up information across the table at the bright eyed young man who wanted to help seniors within his capacity. I know that tomorrow when those books have crossed my threshold to a man who will take the reins with youthful enthusiasm, I will breathe a sigh of relief. I have more shelf space for quilting books! Found a bunch of empty three ring binders I can use for piano stuff and in my role as treasurer and board member for the chorus I love. Also plenty to donate. What the hell have I been saving them for?

I have not renewed my California license this year. I have five years to renew, but of course I won’t. We had a good run, physical therapy. Glad we met. Take good care and don’t be too hard on the young whippersnappers; it’s not an easy world out there in medicine these days.

Date: February 18, 2023

Therapist Signature: Mary Sondag, DPT