Shhhhh!

Posted on October 26, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

A quick scan of my blog reveals that apparently I have not ranted about this.  Ranted about people chatting up during performances where quiet is preferable (That quiet part in a song or dance?  It’s called a “rest” and is actually written into the score.  It is not break time for you to start commenting on the performance with your seatmate.)

This has to do with the library.  Sometime between the time I was taken to the library as a small child and today, sometime after Marian the Librarian admonished Professor Harold Hill to stop singing to her in her library and this moment in time, something happened.  It is no longer expected that the library is a quiet place to read, study, or just hang out in the glory of knowledge.

No, it is apparently a community center, a place for people to congregate around the desk and have full on conversations with….for the love of God….the librarians.  “Oh, really? He went to Cal?  How is he doing?  I haven’t seen him since he was in middle school!”  And that’s the librarian.

No point in wondering why that parent is not shushing the child.  It’s cute, doncha know and I guess we’re supposed to be happy that the parent is even showing the child the library.  Wouldn’t want to squash the little darling’s appreciation for literature.

Yesterday I was here (I’m writing a paper for school) and after last week when the 18 month old was entertaining everyone with that 18-month-old gleeful screech (how adorable), I decided to set up camp in the little room that has been designated the “quiet study area.”  Yes, that little 25 x 25 room is our refuge.  Only one problem, the wi-fi is non-existent in there so I had to choose between being able to access the internet for my paper or go out to the free-for-all that passes for a  library these days.

So today I’m back out here in the fray.  I have my headphones on and am listening to Mozart.  I can still occasionally hear the librarian answering a question so that we can all hear the answer.  Thanks for that.

I know, I’m growing old, this is just the way it is and what people are used to.  I know I have to let it go.  Honestly, on the way here I was thinking – I wonder what kind of business model I could come up with that would center around people being able to pay a fee to come into my quiet space and be guaranteed quiet for a spell.  It wouldn’t be a spa or a church, no fancy aromatherapy, no coffee,  just a quiet place to sit, or read, or think or just be in the quiet.   That used to be what a library was.

I can’t even do it with headphones on here unless I brought my Bose noise cancelling headphones.  In order to drown out the chatter I have to listen to Mozart.  Which is ok.  It’s just not – – – what’s that antiquated term?  Oh yeah.  Quiet.

Posted in Rants | 1 Comment

Who Is That Girl and Why Doesn’t She Stick Around?

Posted on September 22, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

So this morning, Monday morning, I am walking in circles trying to decide where to start. Which of the spokes from the center of the wheel should I follow this morning?  I immediately become overwhelmed and just go make some more coffee.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see a neatly typed piece of paper held by magnet on my white board.  What is that?

It is a beautiful, organized, intelligent, well-thought-out directive on how to proceed getting the two courses I’ve taught back into order and revamped as needed for the next round of teaching.  A step by step how to.  A detailed step by step how to.

I don’t even remember writing it!  All I have to do is follow the yellow brick road.  Same story with my DPT practicum project.  The outline is done!

Thank heaven for little Monday morning surprises…

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Pet Peeve: Passwords

Posted on September 18, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

When did it become necessary for me to have passwords to my own life, my own stuff?  It’s driving me a little nuts right now.   I’ve been struggling to keep a grip on my Apple account password, which I hadn’t used to buy music in awhile and needed for some background tracks.

It’s my own fault probably.  In a misguided attempt to keep my email organized I set up several email accounts – one for personal, one for family, one for business, one for shopping. And then had to add one for school.

I spent three hours last Saturday cleaning up those email accounts and have been pretty good about deleting emails immediately since then, but it’s been less than a week.  Also got rid of the “family” one as I soon realized I was not using it to send emails to my family, so they never knew whether to send it to the personal email or the family email.

The email passwords I have down pat, plus gmail keeps them on hand for me.   It’s all the other passwords.  The password for this blog, the password for Apple (needed for itunes) the password for you tube, the password for school, the password for teaching, the password for anywhere I’ve ever shopped online, the password for eBay, the password for Paypal, the password for the camping reservation site.

The problem is I don’t USE all those websites very frequently.  So when I zip through the 3-strikes-you’re-out password routine and have tried every password I have ever used, ever, then I have to go through the password resetting process.

Which leads to the security questions you have to set up in order to be able to have access to reset your password.  What is my mother’s maiden name? Easy but I never use that – what kind of security question is that?  Favorite children’s book? OK, done (it’s Babar – how cool is an elephant queen named Celeste?).  First pet – easy as well.  But I don’t like to use the easy ones because anyone can look up where I was born.  I doubt that a hacker would be that interested in my purchase history from obsessivequilter.com (hmm, nice name for website?) but you never know.

The worst question was just recently – favorite car.  I thought for sure I put down my first car – the Plymouth Valiant.  But it didn’t work – Valiant? Plymouth? 1996 Plymouth Valiant? 1996 Plymouth Valiant with workhorse slant six engine?  None of those worked.  Then I went for the Mustang.  Ford Mustang? Beautiful azure blue ragtop that was stolen Mustang? Beautiful azure blue ragtop that was stolen Ford Mustang?  Beautiful azure blue ragtop 25th anniversary that I intended to keep as a classic car forever and which Andy recently saw at a car show Ford Mustang? None of those worked.  (speaking of which, Andy was kind enough to send me a photo of that car.  I think it WAS my car, actually.  Let it go.)

So I somehow found a way to get through to my Apple account and change everything, including my user name (that’s another round – the personal email account? the PT email account? the shopping account? Just the name of the account without the @gmail.com?)

This morning I wanted to use it on my phone but hadn’t changed the user name and password on my phone and none of the passwords worked.  I was denied three times. I hadn’t written it down. So I had to go through the whole rigamarole again and none of my usual passwords were acceptable for reset because I’ve gone through this too many times in the past year and you can’t reuse the same password  in a year.

I’ve been using SecureSafe.com to keep my passwords safe (have to remember a password to get in though – and that one is really hard because if someone got in there they would have access to my howtogetawaywitheatingicecreamaftereveryonehasgonetobed.com account)

SecureSafe only works if you immediately go in after you’ve reset your password and change it in there.  Ok, I’ll try to remember to do that.

Now Mom lives here.  She has passwords.  Please pass the duct tape.  Time to do a little preventive head wrapping.  I’m one forgotten password away from my head exploding and having  “please use one upper case and one lower case and one number but not consecutive numbers and one character and not used within the past year” numbers and letters and characters rain down over the surrounding three counties.

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Anne of Green Gables

Posted on September 17, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

The final line of Anne of Green Gables goes something like this: “God’s in His heaven and all’s right with the world.”  I figure I’m always coming here and torturing my friends when I’m having a bad day, I thought I’d drop in when God’s in His heaven and all’s right with the world.

I’m sitting here at Mom’s apartment while she takes an afternoon snooze.  We have settled down to a nice schedule now and just today I gave her a big kiss and hug and told her how I can’t believe she’s here.  It has been a long 32 years living without my Mom nearby.  For some people that might have been a blessing, but I rather like her and I think she likes me.  I have always felt sorry for women who had a hateful relationship with their mothers, and I know what I am missing by not having any daughters (the good and the bad) and just hope for some nice women to roam into the family through my sons.  So far the young women who have graced our home have been wonderful, smart, funny and I presume, sexy, but then what do I know.

Other things are going well.  After a brutal teaching term during the early summer I have taken a breather, just being a lab instructor a couple of hours a week. It is with a new cohort, the members of which have not yet made any judgements about my teaching ability or lack thereof.  I am feeling more confident now and am sure that I will just get better at this.  Of course, I have learned the ol’ “can’t please all the people all the time” lesson now and won’t forget it.

Also padding the bank account with a private patient, whom I retested today and who has made great progress with her balance and hopefully will make more.  It’s always nice when that happens because she is not generally happy to see me – she does it for her son, and it was nice to be able to show her that what I do with her and what she does for homework actually is effective.

Next week? I sing.  I mean, I really sing.  My voice teacher bet me five bucks a couple of weeks ago – I had to make a date with the activities director at Mom’s building or pay him five bucks the following week.  Of course she jumped all over that and I will be plugging in the microphone next Wednesday.  It is amazing how having a date on the calendar has me doing my voice exercises and practicing my songs daily!  The lineup (jazz standards) is going to be great and there again, confidence is really high right now.  My voice teacher has totally unlocked my talents and gently eradicated my fears, which is allowing me to sing without that sense of perfectionism that always dogged me before, and actually improvise which is a nice thing to be able to do when you are singing jazz.  Here’s the lineup: Johnny One Note; Makin’ Whoopee, Nearness of You,  Slap that Bass, Nice Work if You Can Get It, I’ll Be Seeing You and finally a kick ass Ella Fitzgerald version of Sweet Georgia Brown.  I have always wanted to sing that song but never thought I could – and thanks to Perry, I can.  And feel good about it to boot.  There will be a few people from my chorus present to cheer me on, but mostly I am just happy to sing for the sheer joy of it.

What else? Oh yes, slammed out some commissioned quilting the other night.  That’s another story – man, I would be the happiest girl on earth if I could just make all my money making textile art.  When I get into that sewing room I am never happier. The fabrics, the patterns, the colors, having it all come together.  I just love it.

Finally, went to the doctor for my physical and I get a reprieve on the cholesterol meds – one more chance to get serious about the natural supplements and eating right.  I’ve got 6 months to follow the rules.  Then we’ll see.

So today, I can’t complain.

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The First Item on My Christmas Wish List 2014 (as if anybody in my immediate family reads this blog…)

Posted on September 8, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

I gotta get me some night vision goggles.  We live on this canyon, you see.  Last night I was up as usual at midnight and heard something whining outside.  I listened intently – it almost sounded like the cat might be stuck in the closet.  I figured it maybe was a young coyote, but it didn’t have anything close to a “woof woof” which even young coyotes seem to be able to muster up.  Whatever it was, it sounded pathetic, like it needed to be rescued, like it needed its mommy.  I hate that.  I’m a mommy.  It bugs me that I’m so helpless when a little critter is crying for mommy.

After locating the cat inside the house, I went to bed.  The sliding door to the balcony on the master bedroom is open pretty much year round except when a “storm” rolls in during the winter.  This morning, about 4 a.m., I heard it again.  It sounded like a crow this time, three whines in a row each time, but without the harsh edge that a crow has.  It wasn’t a mockingbird – they are funny and never sing the same song twice in a row.  I finally had to get up and close the door.  It had begun to sound like an irritating alarm clock.

When I got to the door, it stopped.  It whined a few more times and was clearly not just in our back yard, but out in the canyon somewhere.  The whines were not three in a row, but just one at a time.  I gave up and closed the door.  I could still hear it muffled through the closed door, and then I heard an owl making owl-y noises nearby.

I wanted to just get up again and sleep on the balcony (I would have except that I haven’t been out there in awhile and the spider webs…) but I also wanted to get up and say “Can you all just pipe down out there?  I’m trying to get some sleep here!”

Then I didn’t hear the whiner anymore.  All so bizarre.  I never heard evidence of an animal murder out there, which is so common now that the coyotes are back.  Just that plaintive whine.  That stopped eventually.

I want to know what it was.  And I want night vision goggles.  Even if I couldn’t see what was whining, I could have seen the owl for sure, it was definitely right outside.  Of course I will NEVER get any sleep if those are in my stocking.

If there is a God, and I get to meet her someday, I’m going to complain bitterly about this whole sleep glitch that was wired into our bodies.  I hate sleep.  There is always so much going on, so much I have to do, so many little critters running around calling my name.  It is such a waste of time.

Nevertheless, it is a need, and tonight I am hoping my little fauna neighbors will give it a rest.

Posted in Animal Lover | Leave a comment

You Win

Posted on September 7, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

I have described before on these pages how, when I am in need of some centering, I go to the ocean not to sit in the lotus position but to dive into the waves, challenging the ocean to match my anger or angst or whatever it is that’s bugging me. Today we went to the beach just because Al has started making an hour at the beach a Sunday afternoon tradition.  Sometimes I join him, sometimes not.  It’s been non-stop hot here – 90+++ a bit inland and warmer than usual here in San Clemente.  Today I was inland and am just about done with walking across blacktop parking lots that are fifteen degrees warmer than the air and make sure you are aware of that by reflecting it all onto your  body.  By the time you get to where you’re going – 50 ft or so -you’re dripping.

So the ocean was not even a decision today, plus we are still getting bashed by waves from hurricanes far across the Pacific.  It was the first time I had really seen it – a few weeks ago I was at the beach briefly and it was odd – waves coming in from all directions, and bigger than usual, but nothing fantastical.

Today, though.  Today.  I have never seen waves so big.   The surfers were out of their minds out there and we were treated to a show of surfers riding waves from one end to the other, sometimes hopping off the top of the wave and coming back down and surfing the face of the wave like slalom skiers.   Made me wish I had grown up around these parts and learned how to do such a thing. They look so free and were clearly in control of the situation.  They even knew when to dive off the board. It was very cool to watch.

Al took his boogie board and was unable to get out past the first few waves at all, which made him wonder how those surfers got out way out there.  (I didn’t tell him youth and strength.  That would not have been very nice.)  I was standing just offshore in one of the little troughs made by the monster waves.  About all I could do was bob over the waves as they rolled in and occasionally I would have to dive through  – they were still so big as they approached shore and it was impossible to run back to shore due to the strong undertow.  Sometimes I would miss and be thrown onto the sand, much of which was still stuck to my body when I got home.  Every time I came out alive on the other end of a wave I laughed and laughed and laughed even harder when I came out alive from being tossed onto the beach.

The second time Al and I went back in it was the same story, except now the tide was really coming in.  The surfers were beyond amazing – the waves crested so far out and were translucent – stunningly beautiful.  I lasted about five waves and decided the lifeguard looked quite comfortable up there on his perch and I didn’t want to disturb him.  Al was in the same situation, in awe of what we were experiencing.  We were just little jellyfish as far as the ocean was concerned, pushing us in to shore, pulling us out, and pushing us back in again, our meager muscles having not much effect at all against the power of the Pacific, only our brains to help us realize when we could make our escape during a short lull in the action.

The last time I wrote about swimming in the ocean the tale was one of me shaking my fists at the waves and diving through – 20 times, resting and then going back for more.  This was a different day.  It’s not that I don’t have total respect for the ocean every day, but today I realized the ocean has just been messing with me on those days it lets me dive into twenty waves in a row.  It is just “letting me win” most of the time.

As an aside, this was the weekend of the Tall Ships Festival in Dana Point.  We did not go and rumor has it the annual parade of ships was cancelled due to the condition of the ocean.  As we sat on the beach, though, far off in the distance in the haze I watched as a ship began to head south.  I figured it was just a merchant ship but as it crossed directly in front of us I could make out its huge sails – one of the tall ships on its way back to San Diego probably.  Of course my little imagination goes wild thinking about “the olden days” and pirate ships and how it must have looked when those were the only vessels on the sea….

Posted in General Musings | Leave a comment

A Philosopher/Scientist’s Dream Come True

Posted on September 7, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

It is 12:21 a.m.

In my last blog, I mentioned how I went to check the spelling of dilemna because over recent years spell check has been underlining it, as it just did in this sentence.  Found a page called http://www.dilemna.info.

Fascinating discussion there about how “dilemma” is the correct spelling of “dilemna” but that millions of people, educated people, people with the best English teachers in the world swear they were taught to spell it dilemna, myself included.  We dilemnians recall speaking the silent “n” (di-lem-na) so that we would remember how to spell it correctly.  What’s going on here? What’s worse, apparently no dictionary in existence provides dilemna as a viable spelling of the word.

In addition, we dilemnians cringe a bit at seeing the dilemma double “m”.  It looks weird.  It looks wrong.  It bugs us.

How can so many of us be wrong?  From all over the world?

Well.  www.dilemna.info gives one cool reason: alternate universe and suggests before we laugh such a thing off that we search you tube for some of the discussions of alternate universe and that quantum scientists think it is entirely possible…And would explain why we dilemnians are shocked and somewhat dismayed – our reality in question – that we were sure it was spelled dilemna and don’t remember ever seeing it spelled dilemma until recently and that there is nothing in any dictionary anywhere that spells it “our” way.

It’s now 12:31.  I really should go to bed now but I think I’m going to be up awhile researching alternate universe and see what it’s all about.  Di-lem-na.  I ALWAYS said it out loud to remember how to spell it.  And so did commenters on http://www.dilemna.info.  There must be an explanation.

Stay tuned and if I can possibly understand the alternate universe theories at all I’ll try to share it here.

Posted in BOHU - Beyond Our Human Understanding | Leave a comment

Get Back on the Bike

Posted on September 6, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

Remember what it was like the very first time you found your perfect balance point on a two wheeled bike and the sense of freedom that jettisoned away any fear that might have lingered?  No, I mean REALLY remember, in your physical as well as mental memory?

Today I did.  I must mention that since I got off Facebook (temporarily, I’m sure) and promised to write here, I have at least one eager reader who admonished me that he was “still waiting…”  (He wrote: You haven’t posted on your blog – are you writing in the sand to watch the waves wash your words away?”   Ouch.)   My dilemma (and yet another digression – looked up the spelling of that word and found out I’m not the only person who learned to spell it with an “mn” and that – well, that’s another blog day).  My dilemma was what to write about. I’m busy.  I’m uninspired.  My blog is supposed to be about my inner thoughts, peeves, sorrows, joys blah blah blah.  I just don’t write on demand.  So my friend would have to wait.

Turns out it’s true that inspiration is all around us.

I was waiting in the park across the street for my walking pal, when from the direction of my front yard came the two doves who live with us – followed by another one.  The two doves stopped in a tree and I thought “oh boy, here we go, a dove fighting for the honor of the maiden or some such.”  The third dove just kept flying right on past the tree into the canyon and then dipped a bit and flew like mad to a tree right in front of me.  It was then I realized I was was witnessing what appeared to be a flying lesson, very possibly the very first for this little birdie.

It sat for awhile, flapping its wings like mad on the branch and then flew over in the direction of its parents and landed on the trunk of the tree, vertically, much like a woodpecker, but after flapping its wings like mad for a few seconds it flew off to another, more horizontal branch.  Then it just sat that there in what could only be described as pure birdie joy, flapping and flapping and flapping its wings.

I just sat there and replayed the scene in my mind,   The little bird, like a kid on skis the first time, overshooting where his sneaky parents had landed due to fear or inexperience and suddenly finding itself waaaaay too high over a canyon, panic setting in and then landed “whew!” on a branch safely.

It was then I remembered without any effort at all – the blue Schwinn bike (my sister’s of course) – in the backyard on the grass (easier on the skin when you fall) – the feeling of taking control over my body, my balance, the bike.  It was a panic at the sense of weightlessness, exhilaration, then bliss, accomplishment, joy, freedom.

There you go, friend.  There’s your tale – thanks for the push to open my eyes to the inspiration all around me.  And thanks little birdie, good job!  and dove parents, shame on you for laughing at your baby, I heard that!

Posted in Animal Lover, General Musings, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Free at Last?

Posted on August 12, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

For those of us who fight the fight against depression, the worst part of hearing about Robin Williams’ suicide is the deep understanding of the state of mind that led him to desire the freedom of death. It is the knowledge that at the moment one kicks the chair out from under oneself with a rope around the neck or pulls the trigger or walks in front of a bus on the interstate, the love of an entire country is not enough to overcome the desire for relief.

I have always contended that the EXACT moment of taking one’s life is not a rational act, no matter how planned the methodology. How else to explain how the type of person who often suffers depression – sensitive, intelligent, hilarious, talented -would be able to leave a trail of devastated hearts behind him when he goes?

I have not “been there” in many years. I was blessed with supportive family, excellent medical care, dear friends but mostly with my counselor, Mary G, who came to the home that day I screamed for help, who pointed out that it runs in families (see: Ernest Hemingway et al) and that my worst legacy would be the example I leave for my children and grandchildren who might come after me. Those words have since guided my proactive approach whenever it appears the meds or my life situation may need changing, evidenced by the feeling that I am sinking a little deeper and for a little longer into the water I may be treading.

Rest in peace, Robin. We really did know you and love you and will miss you.

Posted in Melancholy | 1 Comment

Facebook Saturday morning

Posted on August 2, 2014 by favoritephilosopher

I just love Saturday mornings on Facebook…people go nuts posting snippets of wisdom, posting photos of grandkids or “breakfast with my husband” (yes im talking about you lovely Lauren I. McMillen) …I know that not everyone thinks Facebook is a good idea, people posting all the good things about their lives, as if that is some kind of lie.

On the other hand, isn’t joy and gratitude and sharing and pleasure and humor what makes it all worth it? Isn’t a joke on Facebook or seeing someone’s vacation photo or photo of grandchild’s first smiles or a quick quote that “hits the spot” of your soul on a bad day – is that really any different than the old advice to stop and smell the roses? Can it be a form of healing meditation to wake up and connect with old friends via their fb page…a connection to those who have shaped your being and an affirmation of all that is good in your life?

There have been some media stories about people getting depressed thinking their lives aren’t as “happy” as the apparently happy-all-the-time folks on Facebook. If that is the case, that person most certainly has issues that need to be dealt with – loneliness, depression, grief. Facebook alone cannot cause such  skewed thinking.

As for me, I have only been awake for half an hour and have already laughed, had my heart warmed, been inspired to write and connected with everyone who is reading this.  Not a bad way to start the day…

Posted in General Musings | Comments Off on Facebook Saturday morning