Oh to be in Russia, Now That…

Ok, the more I watch the videos coming out of Russia the more weird-ed out I get.  It was one thing to watch it crossing the sky like a nice pretty really really big shooting star.  It is another to see the more recent videos of people who were taking the videos of the nice pretty really really big shooting star and then hearing it land.  Whoa.  It definitely LANDED.  With a major THUD.   That old song by Johnny Mercer “Something’s Gotta Give” comes to mind :

“When an irresistible force such as you

Meets an old immovable object like me

You can bet just as sure as you live

Something’s gotta give something’s gotta give something’s gotta give”

Earth and meteor, may the best piece of space rock win. But aside from that, it also brings up surreal feelings for me.  The awareness that we really are floating around in outer space and that stuff flying by really can hit us, unlikely though it may be.  I also experience this surreal feeling when there is an earthquake  – like I’m riding some kind of surfboard and could at any moment be swallowed by a dirt wave.  One other time it happened when the kids were little and they were napping.  We had a solar eclipse and I went outside when I noticed how eerie it had gotten.  I had done the pinhole in the box thing before so didn’t really care about that, but I sat there in the oddness the entire time it went on.  I remember feeling this strange connection to ancient humans and for some reason especially ancient mothers – I know that must sound so silly but it was such a primal feeling – that the sun was not doing what it usually did, and how that must have confused or even frightened early peoples.  It wasn’t like the sun going behind a cloud, because there were no clouds that day.    Everything had a strange color cast to it that didn’t correspond to a cloudless sunny day. It just didn’t make sense.

So here we are today, realizing that people really did get hurt in Russia.  Hopefully no one lost their lives, but I must say if you get killed by a random ten ton meteor falling out of the sky that just happens to land on you, it was “your time to go” as they say.  Jeez.

Addendum:  Did I say 10 tons?  I had that wrong by a bit.  Scientists are now saying it was 10,000 tons and travelling at 40,000 mph.   I stand corrected.  Ditto on the “jeez.”

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Home

Well, we are moved, sort of.   There are still lots of odds and ends at the rental where we’ve been living for the last year, and God knows I have to clean it this week before handing over the keys.  And this house – well, I did some unpacking of glassware tonight just to make myself feel good.  It was really kind of like Christmas – there were lots of boxes that haven’t been opened in the past year.  I have joked that if I didn’t need to see what was in them for a year, then maybe I didn’t really need that stuff after all.

And yet – as I unwrapped each lovingly cushioned item, it all became clear.  All little treasures that define my life with my family.  Van Briggle pottery items from Colorado Springs – some of which I’ve had since I was in my twenties, one piece that my Dad had picked out.   The photo of the family – one of those sepia toned photos that you take at places like Disneyland.  Ours was taken in Canada at  Fort Steele and it is framed in a “wanted poster” – The Wild Bunch – there I am, looking all the world like Ma Barker surrounded by my surly group  – ages 6 – 10.  In another box the old-timey wooden puzzle games that sat next to our fireplace; in another my favorite little white statue of the virgin Mary, her hair flowing and her dress swirling as she joyfully holds up her baby boy to the sky.  The irridescent blue Carnival goblets that belonged to Al’s mom.  A mug that Terri brought me from a famous quilter’s shop in Virginia.  The stunning wooden plaque that Jeff made in high school – I hung that on the wall immediately.  I really truly did get rid of the crap back in Lafayette, I knew that even as I wondered what could possible be in those boxes that have been stored in the garage of the rental.  So now more Christmas awaits me as I open each box and remember what was in them – all treasures that make a house a home.

We really did pick the right house.  We are all at peace tonight in our respective states of exhaustion.  The animals are content – Ed the Dog sleeping next to me on the couch – well, that’s nothing new, but he’s strangely sedate.  Twister the Cat has been meandering around and is now upstairs playing with one of my elastic hair ties – we won’t know for sure that she is at home until we find a hair tie in the toilet – her favorite activity for some crazy cat reason – but it is a sign that she is happy.

I look out into the darkness and once again I am blessed with city lights in the distance, and in the morning I will be surprised to see the ocean.  My new friend here in the area gave me a hard time when I started the “what have I done to deserve this” nonsense.  It’s not that I deserve it, although I would not hesitate to say that Al does.  He has worked so hard his whole life after his Dad died.  I’m just the lucky one in that I get to enjoy it with him.   The past four years have been so crazy – Al living in the trailer in Newport Beach for three years, when he wasn’t travelling all over the country for weeks at a time.  Me, trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  And then the upheaval, Al’s new job in Irvine, moving not once but twice in a year.

We are finally home.

 

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Folllowup

Interesting follow up to my last blog…

http://news.yahoo.com/analysis–disciplining-children-over-fake-guns-may-be-wrong-lesson-195101197.html

 

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Just Shoot Me – Oh, I Mean, Slip Arsenic in myTea

I can’t take it.  I despise violence just as much as the next guy.   I’ve shot a gun, don’t really care if I ever do it again.  I was curious that’s all.  Of course something has to be done about our crazy fascination with guns in this country and at least the conversation is in full swing and at least Obama is taking a confrontational stand to keep the conversation from dying down.

But I just heard another story of a six year old being suspended  – this time a little girl -who said she was going to shoot her friend with her bubble gun.  Her pink bubble gun.  The one before that was a little boy who pointed his finger and said pow.

I just went to the news story and I swear to God this is what the news guy said in the same grave tones he would report the Newtown shootings: “The suspension has since been reversed but questions remain – did the school overreact or was the extra caution justified in the wake of the Newtown Elementary massacre.?”

Excuse me?  What the…?  I’m really losing it here. ” Was the extra caution justified? ”  I don’t think there’s really much of a question there.  Well maybe so, that kid’s finger could really do some damage, I suppose.  And he probably is a psychopath in the making.  But wait, did I not play war with the Taylor boys in the neighborhood, ALL THE TIME,  the mounds of dirt from houses being built were our bunkers.  My imaginary gun was the only way I could actually have a chance with the Taylor boys, God knows the acorn fights were hopeless since I threw like a girl (their words, not mine, back off).   Anyway, as far as I know none of us from the neighborhood has gone off the hook and shot up a bunch of innocent people.

I understand everybody is a little jumpy right now after what happened in Newtown.  No one was unaffected by the horror.  The adult discussions are important and real. Really, though, aren’t we going a little overboard suspending little kids from school for playing?  I remember after I had a car accident when Joe was four, for weeks he played “accident” with his little cars, the ambulance came rushing to the scene, sirens blaring. Finally he got over it.  Is it possible that the little kids are workin’ it out in their own kid way?  Allaying their inner fears with silly play, that they know (even if the adults don’t) is harmless in its essence because they are just little kids?

Guns exist.  Violence exists.  No we don’t have to actively teach it.  But c’mon, since when are the paranoids of the world running the show?  I can’t take much more of this. We are being “protected” to death.  No one seems to have the power to do anything about  T.V. and Hollywood  ( just saw an ad on TV for a movie called, no kidding, Bullet to the Head) and their glorification of extreme evil, and our society’s addiction to violence porn, so we pick on little kids.  Brilliant strategy.

Leave the little ones alone.  Use it as an opportunity to educate if you like, but stop treating them as if they are the next wacko who walks into a school with a semi-automatic.  It is time to free the schools, somehow someway, from having to – yes – overreact because of the paranoid masses.  Is there anyone out there with a lick of common sense?

Just shoo… I mean, put arsenic in my tea….or slit my throat – and don ‘t let me see anyone using that “cut” sign by slicing their hand in front of their own throat.  Or putting sugar in my tea.   Mayday! Mayday! A wild and crazy throat slicer is clearly on the loose!  The little old ladies with arsenic are back!  We’re doomed!

Get a grip, people.

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The Trap Door

The problem with grief is that just as you think you’re doing okay, you find yourself falling through a trap door.  It’s not usually down into a shark infested pool, more like a trip and fall, but “ouch” nevertheless.

After all these years I have a trap door at Christmas when I come across an ornament that belongs to Al’s mom.  This past Christmas it happened when one of our choral songs was “Christmas Time is Here” from the “Charlie Brown Christmas.”  Made me think of my Dad, who could cry at beautiful music at the drop of a hat, and was an avid Peanuts fan.  Charlie Brown Christmas  debuted when I was 11 years old.  Seems like yesterday we all sat down in anticipation and especially Dad was delighted with what we saw.

Now I’m packing up to leave our rental.  This house has been a nice “transition” home.  When we arrived last March, I had lost my dear friend Terri just four days before.  I moved and then flew back for the funeral.  This home is light and airy, with a sloping back yard that replaced my view in Lafayette with soothing greenery.  I set up a sewing room and Terri’s photo has shared my fun and frustration of quilting just as she did when alive.  Getting the house set up for our stint here kept me occupied.  Joining a chorus and Toastmasters and getting and job and learning my way around – it all gave me a respite from my deep grief.   This home allowed me to grieve without everything in Lafayette to remind me of her and our good times.

I noticed the symptoms of grief as I pack.  A gentle ever present sorrow that was hard to define.  I took stock of my feelings and realized what was happening.  By packing up this home and moving to another, I am taking one more step away from my time in Lafayette.   Away from my precious time with Terri not only in the last months of her life, but from all the years we spent when she had cancer but was otherwise healthy and vibrant.

The quilting classes we took and the great joy we shared at fabric stores.  (One time I went to Joann’s without her and lo and behold ran into her – we laughed as we both were “busted!”).  Making a library of books made out of videos tape boxes for Andy and Anna’s grad night – the theme was Harry Potter and each painted “book” had a name of a grad and a slit in the top so the kids could write a notes to each other during the evening and have it delivered (via Owl Mail of course), to the books which the kids took home at the end of the night.  Terri came up with very clever and funny book titles based on Harry Potter for all those students! Camping at Yosemite, sitting by the campfire, by the waterfalls, agreeing that it was church for us. The merciful part of the grieving process: the sorrow melts into sweet memories.

This trap door, though, this realization that my life must indeed go on without her, hit that deeply buried grief that will never really go away for those of us who are left behind.  As I leave this home, I leave behind my most recent memories of being with her.  It is time, I know this.  But it was unexpected, this resurgence of grief, and like falling through any trap door, whether it be the pool of alligators or a mere one foot drop onto cement – ouch.

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Curl up For a Nice Long Bedtime Story and Dream of Roses….

When you grow up in Illinois, the Rose Parade on New Year’s Day is as magical and foreign as Disneyland.  When I was a kid, all we knew of Disneyland was the Sunday night TV staple, “The Wonderful World of Disney.” The show started with Tinkerbell using her magic wand to sprinkle fireworks into the sky around Sleeping Beauty’s castle. I often wonder how my memory recalls those fireworks as “in color” when our TV was black and white.  Going to Disneyland was a childhood dream that came true the first year we lived in California.  The Rose Parade was also just a dream that, this year, came true for me.

Now, January is one of my favorite times of the year in Illinois. The wet snow storms of December have given way to zero temperature snow showers that deposit  crystal snowflakes on the blanket of deep snow that had already tucked in the grass and gardens. The Rose Parade, with its blue sky and bright  yellow sunshine, flowers of every color fashioned into make believe worlds on wheels and the instruments of the marching bands gleaming in the sun – this all arrived on our TV at a time when Illinois was in deep freeze and the sun was just a pale icy orb in glacier blue skies.

We were sheltered from that frigid outdoors in our warm home, and I’d settle into a chair in my pj’s and watch the parade.  It was a gentle way to ease me out of the anticipation of Christmastime and back into the reality that I would soon have return to the buzz kill known as school.   Is it any wonder it was a dream of mine from so long ago to someday BE at the Rose Parade?

I’ve lived out here in California for thirty years, but Northern California might as well have been Illinois when it came to going to Pasadena for the Rose Parade.  The cost of getting there, the cost of staying there, the idea of travelling at such a busy time of year all made it seem like more trouble than it was worth.  You know the old saw – the best seat in the house is in front of your television.  But still…

When we moved to Orange County, before I found a doctor, a dentist or the cheapest gas, I found my hair colorist. Like all good hair stylists, Amber is also a certified conversationalist.   My first time in the “chair” Amber told me she lived in Pasadena and commuted three times a week because she had grown up in San Clemente and her client base is here.  I casually mentioned that going to the Rose Parade was on my bucket list.   She just as casually told me I could come to her house – she lives three houses away from the parade route.  Every year they chalk out their territory on the parade route sidewalk the night before and with thousands of others, guard their space all night long.  Could it really be that easy?

Yes.  Because Al and I had to travel an hour to get there, we decided (ok, I decided) we would take the all night guard shift.  That offer was snapped up happily by Amber and her husband Gabe, who now have a 14 month old son.  So last night, less than 24 hours ago, we packed up a couple of memory foam mattress toppers, our sleeping bags, warm clothes and folding chairs and took off for Pasadena.  We arrived at 11 p.m., parked at Amber’s house, celebrated the New Year at midnight with the people already on the street with us.  Colorado Boulevard turns into a “cruising street” where cars circle the block, daring the crowds to hit them with silly string, marshmallows, tortillas and bologna.  Beware, the next time around the block the favor may be returned, with a bit of egg thrown in for good measure.

Then the crowd thinned down to the overnighters so Al and I set up our beds.  We had a little fire pit and plenty of wood courtesy of Amber and Gabe. Al got all tucked in  and drifted off right away, but not before me realizing how very lucky I am to have a husband who would “do this” for my happiness.   I slept like I usually do – fitfully – although the memory foam is now our go-to camping pad.  I dozed and then got up at 3 a.m. to stoke the fire.  It was very cold at about 2:30 a.m. but by the time the fire had warmed us up the middle of the night chill was gone.  The crowd was settling down and I did get about an hour and a half of sleep.

Apparently it is also a tradition of the tow truck drivers who tow the floats into place (at 5 a.m.)  to stage a bit of a parade themselves, driving slowly down Colorado Boulevard with horns and sirens of every possible volume and genre and other obnoxious noises telling us all to wake up, get our coffee and donuts going, because the night is all but over and the parade is not far off.

I hate to disappoint you, but am not talented enough to describe the floats, the bands, the costumes, the horses.  My arsenal of adjectives fail me.  I went back and forth between wanting to take pictures/movies and also knowing that it was futile to capture it and that I should be fully experiencing it in real life.   Sometimes I did a combo of the two, held up the camera and watched the float at the same time.  The sheer numbers of flowers is indescribable.  When the TV announcers breathlessly declare  “the animals on that float are made of 300 palm fronds and 25 pounds of coconut hair and 30,000 button chrysanthemums” even being there in person, seeing with your own eyes red and yellow and coral and white roses jam packed onto a float, along with every kind of tropical plant and seeds of every color and red apples and green peppers and dendrobia orchids hanging from “trees” 30 feet above you – it is hard for the brain to grasp.

The marching bands? I don’t even remember the names of them all but how about the East-West Fusion Band, comprised of kids from Valley Christian Schools in San Jose, CA and Beijing No. 57 High School in China?  Or The Roots of Music Marching Crusaders from New Orleans, comprised of 140 at-risk and disadvantaged kids  performing for the first time outside of Louisiana. They wore costumes right out of The Music Man with braided black and gold epaulets and big furry hats and although they didn’t sound as polished as some of the honor bands,  their pride and hope and earnest commitment was evident on their faces.   What about the Pride of the Dutchman Marching Band – the members all wear wooden shoes and the clicking of the shoes on the pavement is as mesmerizing as any music by any marching band anywhere.

What about seeing Dr. Jane Goodall, the Master of Ceremonies, in person?  That woman has not changed a bit since we first heard about her work with chimpanzees when she was 26 years old.  She still looks  young and her face is still as gentle and kind and perhaps only her eyes reflect the wisdom of her years of effort to change how we view our wild animals on this earth.

When I finally woke up from my dream, I found it hadn’t been a dream at all.  I really was there.  When we got home at 2 p.m., I could not believe all that we had done in that 17 hours. Spending the night was just as much a part of the fun as the parade itself.  There was no drinking, the police were present but friendly and would sometimes get out of their cars to remove a bit of silly string. If some unlucky out of towner happened to find themselves on Colorado Boulevard and stopped a cop to complain that things were being thrown at their car, the cops would gently explain that “it is New Years’ Eve and do you know the the Rose Parade is tomorrow…you might not want to drive on this street tonight…”   It was a party like no other – safe, fun and oh what’s that word again? Magical.

The theme of the parade this year was Dr. Seuss’ Oh the Places You’ll Go.  It is truly a fitting theme for my life this past year.  A year and a half ago I did not know I would go to Southern California to live, that I would live in an ocean view home in San Clemente, that I would go whale watching and see my first blue whale, that I would go to the Rose Parade in Pasadena.  Life is a wonderful parade, and I’m going to just keep putting one foot in front of the other on my way to fulfill other dreams.

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What I Saw Today

I went to church today. It’s funny how the need to go to a place of peace and comfort and prayer becomes overwhelming when tragedy strikes.  To be in a place where everyone is together for the same purpose – prayer, a belief that there is still a higher purpose – is all I could think about yesterday, when the reality of what happened started to sink in.  We went to what may be our new parish in San Clemente, Our Lady of Fatima, which also seemed so appropriate because it was Our Lady of Fatima who appeared to three children in Portugal. Whether you want to believe that or not, or the Miracle of the Dancing Sun, it is still just a nice thing to think about a lovely woman greeting little children.

What I heard at Mass today was comforting.  “Fear not, O Zion, be not discouraged!
The Lord, your God, is in your midst.” Zep. 3: 14-18   and  “Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:4-7  Here again, believe or don’t believe, I don’t really care, but really it’s no different than any ancient “non-religious” ideas: be at peace, it’s all beyond our human understanding, don’t even try.  Just be at peace.

It was what I SAW at Mass today that gave me the most comfort.  It was 9 a.m. Mass, typically a family Mass at most parishes.  So there were lots of children.  Everywhere I looked I saw parents with their arms around their elementary school children.  This is not so unusual to see especially during homilies.  But today was different in one great respect: usually it is mothers who are doing the cuddling.  Today it was fathers.  Fathers with their arms around their little boys.  Fathers stroking the hair of their children.  Fathers whispering with smiles to their daughters. Fathers letting their children doze on their laps. Throughout the Mass.  Fathers with their heads deep in their hands during Communion.  It was something to see and it was noticeable.

So I went to Mass.  Mission accomplished.  I will go now and sing the second choral concert of the season.  Gloria in excelsis Deo!

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December 14, 2012

There are no words.

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What’s Missing?

There must be something missing in my life right now, because for the first time ever I have been heard the siren song of Black Friday.  I’m not going to answer it, of course.  My wise mother taught me: “Never buy anything on sale if you wouldn’t buy it if it WEREN’T on sale.”  Of course sometimes there are exceptions – something that you would have bought had it not been so expensive in general.  Those exceptions are quite rare however.

Al walked in this morning with what appeared to be a Sunday newspaper – on Thursday – and it was simply a pile of ads all tied together.  I sat down and started thumbing through them and I can understand how the seed of greed can be watered by these ads.  Suddenly you think maybe your grown men sons would like to take a trip down memory lane and get a remote control car for Christmas.   Well, of course they would, if I gave it to them, but they certainly don’t have it on their Christmas list to Santa.    Suddenly I think I really should go stock up on t-shirts at Old Navy – they are $4 – c’mon!  Never mind that they would probably disintegrate during the first agitation of the washing machine.   Won’t I need throw pillows for the new house?  5 for $20!  Designer colors!  Don’t delay!  Bust that door down, girl, or you’ll be left behind!

There was one that really sent me over the edge, that had me envisioning sneaking over with my sleeping bag to be  in the front of the line.  It was an ad for an $89.99 Ott Lite with Magnifier for $19.99.  For those of you who are uninitiated, an Ott Lite is a natural light bulb that doesn’t make your pink quilt fabric look green. It brightly shows you where the tiny stitching is that you need to rip out because you accidentally got the batting involved in the seam where it should not have been.  A magnifying glass?  Are you kidding me?  An aging woman’s best friend forever.

So there I was, thinking about how I only live a mile from Joann’s.  How it’s a lousy branch of the store so everyone would probably head over to the superstore 20 minutes away.  How certainly no one would be crazy enough to be there at 6 a.m.  Which right there shows you how very crazy I am.  I thought maybe Al could drive me over, wait for me, and we could scoot home without me having to park.  I am working tomorrow morning, this has to be a coordinated attack.  $19.99!!!!

Fortunately, I came to my senses.  Ott Lites are nice, no question.  However, until I saw that ad I have been surviving quite nicely without one.  So if one should not buy something on sale that one would not buy if it weren’t on sale…it’s a close one, right on the line between usefulness and insanity, a tough call…but the final decision is I’ll be getting up just in time for work tomorrow.

 

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Looking for a New Chest of Drawers

Al and I were newlyweds, and he really  needed a new chest of drawers.  So one Sunday we went out looking.  Our first stop was Scandinavian designs (before IKEA) and we found a great dresser.  We decided we wanted to keep looking.  We went to several stores, in and out of the car, wandering around furniture stores.  Finally we realized we were looking for a dresser like the one we had seen four hours before at S.D.

Flash forward thirty years.  We have moved to southern California and started looking at open houses even before we were ready to buy a house.  This was because we wanted to check out all the areas.  Well, Al did anyway.  I knew I wanted to live in San Clemente, but he rightfully felt I should see all the towns in the area. We saw some great houses and neighborhoods and views and bathrooms and kitchens.

When it was finally time to get a real estate agent, we told her what we were looking for.  The first house was great – beautiful view, nice house.  It was painted dark colors and we thought “well, we’ll keep looking, maybe we’ll find a house with this view and layout that we won’t have to paint.”  A hundred houses later I was looking through my phone and came across photos of that house.  I emailed my real estate agent and told her that was the house we should have bought.  Live and learn.

Much to my amazement she told me it was still available.  It was still available because the owner had a ninety day escrow on another house, and she didn’t want to have to wait for someone to sell their home before buying hers.  Since we had already sold our house – we had a window of opportunity.

Long story short, she accepted our offer today.  I cannot even believe it.  The old saw “if it’s meant to be” really is true.  You could have knocked me over with a feather when she told me that house was still active.  I went back for a second look and let me tell you, it was hands down nicer than anything we had seen in that price range, and the view is worth at least a few hundred grand more.  My friend Deanne yelled at me, wondering what the heck we were thinking last month when we first saw it.  It was the first house we saw – we really should have just trusted our agent.  She’s a pro.

We will stay in our rental til the end of January – her ninety day escrow, which she is thirty days into,  worked well for us too.  If our landlord doesn’t let us out of our lease we will only be one month paying double rent.

Many years ago we would come to the beach at San Clemente with the boys and it was my favorite vacation spot.  The ocean waves are the best for body surfing.  Whenever we would leave for home I would wonder what it must be like to live in a place like that.

Dreams come true.

 

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