Hoo boy.

We hurriedly packed up to check out and take the bus to the airport to pick up our rent a car. Al had a bad night of sleep which is never good for his mood and energy level. It was decided when we picked up the car that it would be best if I started the driving today.

Before we left home I actually downloaded a learn to drive app from UK to help me get the idea of how this whole driving on the wrong side of the road works. It didn’t help….

We got out of the airport easily enough, it was a quick block or two to the freeway and that’s pretty straightforward. Then it was two lane roads, very narrow. I drove to Stirling Castle – 30 miles and took an hour to get there. The two lane roads were brutal. I just couldn’t judge where my front right quarter was in relation to the center line and was terrified that I would hit a car coming the other way and so overcompensated by keeping MORE to the left. This meant that every few miles Al would be pulling a “Mary” – that is, gasping for dear life and digging his nails into the dashboard and crying out that I was going to hit the curb-the car – the tree.

I don’t remember whether it was before we got to Stirling or after that I almost got us killed. People had been kindly flashing their lights now and again to let me know it was cool to go (more about roundabouts later) so when the cow-poop-picking-up tank pulled by a tractor got in front of me and after a few miles put his right turn signal on and moved more to the left I kind of assumed he wanted me to pass. Sure enough I edged out the right and no one was coming, so I went.

Fortunately when I pass someone I mean business and floored it, because what he was ACTUALLY doing when he moved to the left was making that truck move of giving himself space to TURN RIGHT. I saw him out of the corner of my eye but was pedal to the metal to get around him so – no big deal. Al had a heart attack right then and there. I heard a long horn blare behind me. (Sorry, dude) Here’s the worst. I was glad that I got around him and was relieved he didn’t hit us – so relieved I forgot that I’m supposed to be on the left hand side of the road until I saw a car coming straight for me – I’m a good swerver, I’ll tell you that much. By the way, the slogan on the back of the truck was “Cows Dump – We Pump”. A real life Scottish cow-poop-picking-up tanker. He’s going to be talking about me over whiskey for a long time.

I’m going to assume it was before Stirling because I’m not really sure since it was yesterday. We got to Stirling and like every intersection everywhere in rural Scotland, it has roundabouts. I don’t mind roundabouts. I used them out east long ago and we have some in San Clemente now. I simply cannot fathom how it can be so much more difficult when you have to go in the opposite direction and have Al tell me which exit I’m supposed to take and make sure I’m on the correct side of the road when I take that exit. There was one to get into Stirling (probably more before that) and then another one or two to get to the castle.

When we got up to the castle the parking was full, but we could park on the -go figure – narrow road leading back down the hill. No dice. We went around again – and when I say “around” I mean around the roundies (that’s what I call ’em now – we’re on a first name basis) And again. And again. By this time, between clutching the dashboard and having heart attacks, Al was a mess. It was his turn for a meltdown. He really wanted to do this, it was something really special, the coolest castle in Scotland, he just made a big mistake. He was sorry he was ever born, apparently.

I took the bull by the horns and pulled into a McDonald’s so he could get tea, I could get a Diet Coke and a McFlurry and we could both begin to breathe again for a few minutes. It was just after noon and I was sure the morning crowd would be leaving the castle and we’d find a parking spot and all would be good. We had a meeting of the minds (I am glad Al is born and delineated all the amazing things that had gone right in the past two days – getting us to Scotland, mini-golf, cemeteries, haggis) and got back in the car.

People in Scotland have been lovely. Pulling out of the parking space at Mickey D’s a woman said “yes you have plenty of room but you need to be going in the other direction”. Sweet as a piece of warm apple pie a la mode. I am able to laugh at myself – it is one of my finer qualities – and people have appreciated it here while I terrorize their roads.

Sure enough, we got up to the top of the hill again (after the obligatory roundies) and there was a spot on the street (thank you back up cameras and a pretty decent ability to parallel park) and we got in just in time for a young man to inquire if we were interested in joining a tour that was just beginning. We did and it was top notch. I wish I could relate all the wonderful history I learned but I have discovered that my dislike of world history from childhood has not dissipated for the very same reasons. There are too many kings of the same name with Roman numerals after them. I know Mary Queen of Scots was born there and lived most of her life there so there’s that. Otherwise you’re on your own with the history of the place. It was fascinating though. Some of the building remained from forever ago, some where added by some king VI or other, the outside of buildings were often painted a sort of yellow to mimic gold. Also it belonged at one time or another to Scottish kings, then English kings, then Scottish kings again, then….yeah. I’ve already failed the test.

We went on to Loch Lomond to a very cool guest house right on the lake. This couple has it figured out and looks like a great wedding venue. Now then, this was particularly special for me because I grew up on a lake named Loch Lomond. Al knew that which is why we were there. Nice guy.

We went out and about a little later to get something to eat – ended up with fish and chips and only once did I screw up the lane thing – when you turn right (from the left lane) you have to make sure you turn into the left lane of the road you’re turning on to. (I didn’t have a problem making sure there were no cars coming in the other direction before turning). I kept going into the right lane. Al would freak out and yell “no!” and I’d remember. There aren’t many cars. Calm down.

You might wonder why Al didn’t just take the wheel. We decided that even though I was struggling, he would struggle too, and at this point we had a rhythm going especially at the roundies. He’d read the signs, I’d keep repeating “stay to the left”. Moreover, if he did equally lame brained stuff that I was doing I WOULD have a heart attack and would probably be questioning his IQ to boot in a not very nice manner.

We also agreed that we are a “good enough” team and it is why we can travel successfully together. Who else could communicate like this and still be speaking to each other at the end of the day?

That’s what we think, too. Don’t worry, today was MUCH MUCH better. We are mean, lean, driving on the wrong side of the road traveling team.

First of all, Al wants to know why on earth the Scottish men would wear kilts when its cold and windy and wet. Of course I looked it up. Answer at the end if you don’t want to read all this.

Glasgow is a vibrant, historic city. If you take the Hop On/Hop Off bus you will be taken all over the city, we liked the MultiLingual bus best because you could plug the free earplugs in and hear extra details about each stop and everything in between. We did enjoy the human guide on our first leg of the experience though as his Scottish humor was delightful, just missed a lot of wonderful details. (The last public hanging in Glasgow drew 80,000 spectators. Take that Taylor Swift.) There are so many wonderful museums, I could spend a week here. There is beautiful architecture all over the central part of the city, much of it tucked away here and there in surprising places, in addition to the grand buildings.

We made a brief stop at the Glasgow Cathedral, thought we’d pop in, take a gander. Well, it was closed for lunch! So we figured we’d come back later…only to find it closed for the day. We did see the Necropolis when we returned, which sits on a hill above the Cathedral, its main feature being a monument to John Knox, leader of the Scottish reformation. The history here is that prior to the 1800s everyone was buried in the church cemeteries. Then cholera and the plagues hit and so many died they needed to establish larger cemeteries and eventually these became privatized. As is typical of commercial ventures, the more cash you had the better “view” you got, with the most coveted spots being at the top of the hill near that John Knox memorial. Second only to mini golf, Al and I love our cemeteries. We were in our glory here, something like 50,000 graves here and 3500 monuments. Chatted with a British woman who asked me something about when Queen Mary I died and I had to admit I didn’t even know who the Vice President of the US is right now. (Just kidding, I didn’t say that). Had one of those lovely conversations with a stranger that make travel so lovely, and we all decided to head back down when it looked like the rain cloud we could see in the distance was coming for us. We headed to the Cathedral cemetery and except for a few modern (1800’s) gravestones, most were from apparently much earlier. We don’t know for sure because many were completely blank, and just as many only barely readable. It rains a lot in Scotland, you know the whole water/erosion thing applies here.

Our first real stop earlier in the day was the gorgeous Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum. There were some interesting natural history exhibits but the high points were the Scottish history room and the art galleries. We spent several hours in the museum and were surprised by the impressive collection of art: French Impressionists, the Dutch Masters, Picasso, Pissarro, Casset, Monet, Gaugin, Van Gogh, Pizarro others you’d recognize, along with the Glasgow Colourists. The most impressive surprise was Salvador Dali’s St. John on the Cross. Funny story about the school kids – always a favorite encounter when we travel (in China they shyly asked to take photos with us and before it was over we were besieged…it’s apparently our strange noses that delight them so much). The girls were walking around hurriedly taking notes. We turned a corner to find five boys sitting on a bench that was partially obscured between two walls, bending over their cell phones and talking. I love boys.

My back finally decided it had had enough and although the museum kindly had folding stools tucked away here and there which you were encouraged to use, it was time to go. I stopped into the gift shop but remembered my old-lady-traveling-abroad motto. No more souvenirs. Unless it’s street art. That’s different.

Travel tip in the UK. When you know which direction your bus will be heading, and you want to board that bus, it will be arriving on the LEFT side of the street, not the right. Just as we realized this after standing at the wrong bus stop for 10 minutes (the nice local man who took our photo in front of the Kelvingrove should have given us a clue that it wasn’t a Hop On/Hop Off stop) and walking a block or two we saw our bus coming. It would pick us up just across the four lane street. We stood there looking, I suppose, like the stupid tourist we are, and a lady with a little dog said “just go!” meaning jaywalk. Crossing at street corner in UK is daunting enough let alone mid-block. No worries “I’ll stop the traffic for you…” and off she went with her little dog and after a few cars passed she walked right in front of another and next thing you know we are catching our bus. We waved her our thanks and will never forget her and her little dog. She wasn’t a young woman either!

After we stopped back at the Necropolis/closed Cathedral we decided to follow a walking tour. Al may or may not read this blog so I’ll just say this. It is my considered opinion that when the walking tour and the Hop On/Hop Off map both say turn left on Gallowgate, we should probably take that left instead of taking a shortcut. Rain did indeed start but my new REI raincoat did it’s job and it wasn’t a hard rain. After walking for awhile and finding a bus stop, we did take the rest of the bus ride back to home base, enjoying the audio tour and wishing we had more time for more museums in Glasgow.

We heard from many sources that Glasgow was so-so compared to Edinburgh. I suppose, but I like real cities and this one qualifies. I would come back here anytime. So much youth – many schools and universities, more culture, food and architecture than I expected and just in general a vibrant little city. I think the Hop On/Hop Off buses are really a great way to get acquainted with a city and then go back and do what you want. Will not hesitate to use them again in other cities.

One fact we heard from several guides was that because this was an industrial town, the building were completely black and over the years have been cleaned up. You can see this everywhere – buildings that were cleaned as best they could, beautiful yellow bricks with areas of black soot still on them, domes that were cleaned versus domes that weren’t. I also should say that everywhere there is attention to the environment. The Scots, at least, aren’t messing around waiting for us to do something about the environment. I saw an “electric” station that easily had twenty plug ins. Read in the local rag that as of this week that the manufacture of plastic straws, plates and silverware are outlawed. One step at a time.

Stopped in briefly at the hotel (The Apex, very comfortable) for an extra jacket. Walked down the street to a little “Italian” restaurant owned by a Turkish guy. We ordered the haggis appetizer right off the bat. No time like the present. We ordered the haggis with whiskey black pudding and haggis with black pudding and risotto. Without ordering, though, he brought us a little ball of the real deal. I admit it was weird consistency, like a soft meatball, but I thought it was fine enough served with the peppercorn sauce.

Now, I suppose where the conversation went off the rails was when I mentioned that I didn’t understand the problem people had with eating organs since we think nothing of eating an animal’s muscles. Due to the slight language barrier the next thing you know he is telling us if we ever go to Istanbul we need to stop at The King of Mussels “fast food” kiosk for the gyro like meat sandwiches and the mussels. Well, heck, we ARE going to Istanbul and plan to find this little place and go for it. We promised we would send him an email with our photo if we get there.

Last stop, Mini Golf. The young woman, college aged, at the counter talked SO FAST. Al tends to just stand there hoping he’ll understand through osmosis, but I just smile and laugh and say “oh honey you are talking SO FAST”! She broke into a huge smile and slowed down for us. What she was trying to tell us was we could do 16 holes upstairs or 18 downstairs in the day glow but that was really busy right now. So we opted for upstairs. When we took a look at downstairs afterwards we wished we had gone down there but at 22:00 hrs it was too late to start (with the sun setting at 9:45 it’s easy to get disoriented).

A quick stop at a grocery store for morning supplies and our long day was done.

Answer: According to “Brief History of the Scottish Kilt”on http://www.folkwear.com, kilts were worn since pre-medieval times. In the soggy bogs of the Highlands they were worn because pants would not have dried in the damp weather so for health reasons and also comfort – the wool is waterproof and offered shelter if sleeping outdoors. Tartans as clan ID did not come along until later. Interesting article about it all if you want to learn more.

Hope you can open the photos…..